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Astro Roast is a column in which astrologer Danny Larkin drags each sign, but affectionately!! But that was then, this is now, and I just need you to get over your shit, man up, and throw your trash out, like you did in the honeymoon phase of our relationship—back when we used to have Amazing fem seeks friend sex!

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At some point, it will No drama no sex lin just good sex on Scorpios that a gentle nudge when swx has innocently forgotten something might be more effective than going nuclear and bringing up a bunch of dark shit from the past. Scorpios fall into the trap of thinking that the best way to go about things is goid gain total control over a situation and manipulate people toward their desired outcome.

Yes, calling people on their shit and pushing all their buttons can be an effective way to terrify them—but this often backfires.

Many Scorpios get dumped early on in relationships because they lose their shit on glod new partners. These Scorpios end up sleeping around—Scorpios love sex without attachment and commitment.

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Some get involved in sexual sub-communities and dive into fetishes because they provide a great outlet for all their Scorpio intensity. Like it or not, we need this asshole-ish Scorpio energy to make money for the company.

When bosses need to burn a bridge, scare the living crap out of someone, or manipulate a person, they turn to Scorpios to get their dirty work done. Small wonder that Scorpios have so many skeletons in their closet.

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It should come as no surprise np Scorpio is ruled by Mars, the planet of war and conflict. Naturally, it is on the deepest levels that a Scorpio feels drawn to fight—their penchant for psychodramatic antics is in the stars! The ancient image for this sign is the scorpion and the mythology behind this symbol offers important insight into Scorpios.

One version of the story goes that there was once a handsome and arrogant hunter named Orion who became lovers with Artemis, the goddess of the hunt. Orion made the mistake of boasting that he could kill anything on earth and that actually, he was a better hunter than Artemis.

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This enraged mother earth, so she sent a giant scorpion to kill Orion—which it did—and then turned the scorpion into a constellation to warn humans of the dangers of having a huge ego. Drake is the quintessential Scorpio.

To wit, he released an dex called Scorpionwhich naturally reveals a big secret and exposes skeletons from his past. With this album, Drake is pushing buttons the way only a Scorpio can: The Sun hangs out in Scorpio in the middle of autumn when all the leaves turn yellow, orange, or red before dying. These falling leaves are a powerful metaphor for Scorpios.

But there is nothing better than a Scorpio with a ratchet sense of humor; a Scorpio who uses their deep insights and for good rather than evil. A highly evolved Scorpio faced with the earlier "taking out the trash" argument would avoid going on a melodramatic rant and instead purr, "I know the trash is tedious, but if you take it out right now Sign up for the best of VICE, delivered iln your inbox daily.

They'll probably take this headline as a compliment. Newsletters are the new newsletters.

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